He was introduced to Steve and Barbra Casey. They were about five years younger than him. Barbra was a bundle of energy and very inquisitive. Before nine holes were played she had just about learned all of Tom’s life history. On the plus side she was knowledgeable about the club and the area. She told Tom about the events and activities going on and she suggested which ones he should attend. She also mentioned some attractions in the area he should consider visiting.At the conclusion of the round Tom offered to buy them a drink which they accepted but after one drink they said they had to be leaving and hoped they would see Tom again.Tom thought they were nice people. He had learned that Steve was an investment banker who had retired early. Barbra had devoted her time to raising funds for charity.Back at the condo Tom checked his email. He had an email on an investing question about a particular stock from Dora, one of the ladies from his investing class. He took the time to do some. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep.
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